When you think of an introvert, what do you think of? What descriptors come to mind? Perhaps antisocial, quiet, or loner crossed your mind. Online dictionaries describe introverts the following ways:
Dictionary.com: “a shy person; a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings”
Merriam Webster: “to concentrate or direct upon oneself”
Synonyms include reticent, hermit, & lone wolf - thanks Google!! I self-identify as an introvert, but I promise I don’t hate people (at least not all the time, lol) nor do I want to spend all my time alone. I consider myself to be an empathetic person, generally more concerned with those around me above myself. This is my attempt to articulate that it is more than just how loud you talk or how many people you surround yourself with.
Inspired by Susan Cain’s book, “Quiet” (definitely worth a read), introversion and extroversion are truly about from where one derives energy. Extroverts are empowered by spending time with others, they recharge by exchanging energy with those around them. Introverts are the opposite. We come back to equilibrium when we are alone. Allow me to elaborate:
Being alone is not the same as being lonely. *One more time for the people in the back!* Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Loneliness is characterized by a longing for company, a desire to be with others. Loneliness is inherently an uncomfortable feeling. You find yourself alone when you wanted to be with others. When you are comfortable being alone, you are empowered by solitude, not crippled by it.
We do enjoy socializing. Contrary to popular belief, we aren’t hermits! In fact, the most introverted people can be the most outgoing, social people in the room. I love spending quality time with my people, I enjoy going out (albeit, infrequently), and consider myself to be very personable.
We thrive in smaller groups. I have a theory about the size of groups in which introverts socialize. And in very scientific ways, I have studied this phenomena (note the sarcasm, I was not a science gal and never will be). From my experience, there is a tipping point for the number of people an introvert can be around at once. That number is around 6 for me. One person too many and the introverted tendencies can really show themselves. Take a typical pregame for example, there are (hopefully) more than 6 people present. An introvert can definitely be the life of the party, but this is more of a reach than it might be for an extrovert. You feel obliged to be “on” for a crowd. However, more often than not, an introvert might find his or herself DJing while sitting on the couch with one person or, dare I say, alone! An introvert might be engaged in a more intimate conversation with a few people, rather than working the crowd, making small talk with everyone.
Next time you see a meme about plans getting cancelled or your friend tells you he/she doesn’t want to go, think back to this post - they might just need their time to recharge.
P.S. if this resonates, I recommend you pick up a copy of Quiet by Susan Cain, she nails the challenges of being introverted in a world that rewards the opposite
Do you self-identify as an introvert? Do you have a friend who likes to have one-on-one time versus hanging out with a big group? Chances are you have an introverted friend and might not realize!